Then I saw you.
You were looking directly at me when I became aware of you, so I automatically averted my eyes. This I realized to be irrational. Therefore, I was determined to return your gaze and felt that surely I would soon be making your acquaintance. While still looking away, I imagined our future relationship being very fruitful in many ways. You would help me with my emotional growth (I knew that I needed to find better ways of relating to others). Full of promise was the moment, warmly glowing, and I thought I could hear music playing. I steeled myself and looked up at you.
You were walking quickly away, suppressing laughter.
I was abruptly self-aware. Embarrassed, I changed the topic by playing the radio until a forced boredom prevented clear thinking. In my boredom I consumed a tremendous amount of wheat crackers in the form of little sandwiches, spread with eggless imitation mayonnaise and lined with thin slices of sharp cheddar. After an hour of this my stomach felt painful, my head foggy. I lay down and fell asleep.
I dreamed that I was a sunflower that grew in continual nighttime. I was able to receive some light from the moon, and though it was second-hand and somewhat dusty I grew as well as other vegetation. I realized, however, that I was not thriving -- I was not realizing my full potential because I was not getting my full allotment of energy.
I began eating my own seeds. The stored solar power in such sudden, large doses gave me tremendous stimulation. However, I soon realized that I was depleting myself and would eventually be sterile -- having no energy to give forth to life as a whole. My season would be over. . .
I awoke from the sunflower dream as a butterfly -- as blue as the clear sky, my wings speckled with shining gold lined with a fuzzy dark brown. My entire existence was as follows: I had no mouth; I had no legs. I flew constantly. I searched for I knew not what, fluttering about, passionately searching, drawn here and there by bright colors and by unusual sensations which were like fragrances.
I found another of my kind and we danced and fluttered about. We came very close and she grasped my long, slender body firmly with her arms and legs -- for she had legs and I did not. I was horrified by her long, sticky tongue, which lashed furiously about my face, and by her eyes -- which were not eyes because they had no irises or pupils or dark depths. Her eyes were clusters of many hundreds of tiny domes interspersed with occasional tufts of hair. I felt that she was drawing my life force from me, but I was powerless to escape her embrace. Suddenly her body shuddered. Then she released me and, flying away, forgot me.
I faltered in the air. Flying again, I fled from something behind me, filled with terror. I flew aimlessly, as fast as I could, and found myself in darkness. I kept flying and eventually perceived a point of light. I sought out the light, which grew brighter as I approached it. Its brightness blinded me until I could no longer see, though I was drawn on by its warmth. Then its warmth enveloped me until I could no longer feel. And there was nothing . . .